It's Sunday. A day of rest. I am trying to find my rest in the Lord, but it is hard for me to actually turn loose the bundle of cares that I want to lay at his feet. I know he will take them, but it is not my lack of desire that is the problem, it's my lack of understanding of how to actually unloose my grip on the bag of troubles. However, I did find a brief respite. Last night I called TMWLMD and asked if I could come over for a while and he said of course. LOL, he acts like I should automatically know that I am welcome, but it isn't my nature to just assume those kinds of things.
I arrived and found that he was just as I have remembered him for the last few weeks. He has such a ready smile, that reaches all the way to his eyes. It was like I had never been away except for that bit of awkwardness that I feel since I got home from the hospital. I am still shy around people. I think I am waiting for the confirmation from people I know that it is ok, that they still love me, and are not holding my attempt against me. I ended up staying the night. My family is acting like I committed an atrocious sin, but they don't give me as much credit as they should. I slept beside him like a babe, and he rested as well as I did: something neither of us have done well since prior to my incident. Even so, with the exception of a small kiss and a large hug and a few innocent cuddles, nothing untoward happened. I should have no guilt on my conscious, yet I still feel a prick simply because of what I know they automatically think.
I slept the whole night until 7am this morning! That is such a rare thing for me to find restful sleep! I am having trouble now remembering if I took my meds, because I felt so good this morning, but now I feel really not good. My mind is reeling and my body trembling, and I feel nauseated and disconcerted. I feel so weird that I am having trouble composing this so I guess for now I will have to stop and rest.
I'm glad you found some rest. It's so important to rest when you sleep and not have nightmares or dreams that disturb you. He's a nice guy to let you stay over and shelter you like that. Also, not to be rude to your family, but you are an ADULT. If you choose to have sex, that is your business, NOT theirs. They have NO right to be judgmental of you. None at all. Maybe you need to gently let your family know that you are full grown and can make your own decisions. I know their censure weighs heavily on you, and it's not fair of them to do that to you when you are already dealing with so much. Wishing you feel better soon, sweetie. Love you!!
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