Progress of any kind feels good. I have put in a few stitches on an angel project that Madam Mayor let me borrow. I would guess about 30 this last week. How wierd is it that right now I want to stitch, but I feel like I can't? It would be as easy as bending down and picking up my project bag at my feet and getting started, but still, I find all kinds of excuses why I can't right now. Yet I am proud of the few stitches I have got in.
A second area of progress is my home. I went down today and spent about an hour there sorting through boxes and stuff. It felt good being there, in the total quiet, even with the heat. I got 4 boxes emptied out. And yes, I am counting the one that was a new box with my rooster canister set in it that I bought earlier this year. I am going about this the hard but correct way as well. I don't just open a box and drag out the contents into a pile and count that as an empty box. I am putting things where they should go when I take them out of the boxes. The hardest part was opening boxes that held memorabilia of the two children I had to leave with their father recently. They were his biological kids, and not any relation to me, but I literally felt gut kicked as I pulled out a tiny feather that the son of my heart gave me from our doves in the front lawn. Then there was the book that my princess in training made in her kindergarden class, with her name meticullously spelled out on the front in the way I had practiced with her at our kitchen table over and over. Unfortunately that ended my forward progress in that area as I took some time to grieve for them. I want so much to hear their little voices tell me once more "I love you Momma".
Not much progress elsewhere I am afraid, except that I got an early start on supper so I wouldnt have to cook tonight. As I sit here trying to eat it, I am not sure whether it is my headache, distress over the children, or the food, but it isn't tasting as good as I had thought it would or as well as the early samplings indicated it should. Such as life. At least it was some progress, and for those small forward steps today I am grateful if a little uneasy waiting for the other foot to fall.
I'm glad you got some stitches in. My friend Julie finally got some stitches in today too. Maybe it is a good week for stitchy friends!! I'm glad you feel you made progress. I see that you're taking the time to let yourself grieve, and this is a good thing. You can't stuff those feelings down in a whole forever. They keep coming back to bite your ass. I'm glad you've found a solution to the housing problem as well. It will be nice for you to have your own space, where you can walk around naked (If you want to) or turn on the radio or TV. Or not. You can just sit in the silence and think if you need to. You go girl!!! I'm so happy for you!!
ReplyDeleteROFLMAO thank you so much. But you know since it's you babe, I can't let you get by with "You can't stuff those feelings down in a whole forever." Uhmmm, tired were we? Hahaha you always make me smile somehow, even if it's only when I find the very rare typo that we love so much to gig each other on.
ReplyDeleteOMG, I can't even believe I said that. Sorry, lol. You know it tickles me pink when you find those little mistakes I didn't even notice!!!
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