long time no type

i have discovered that sometimes i just don't want to talk. i have also discovered that's those are the worst states of mind for me to be in. lets face it.... sometimes life just sucks. oh well... i have my big girl pants on stand by.
i have had a lot of ups and downs of late. when i am up, i am up above the clouds; but, when i am down, i am six feet under in all but body. my stand up guy and i are engaged to be married. so that explains both conditions. sometimes i feel like he is just working me up for a huge fall with all his promises and the way he describes how the business is going and how perfect our house is going to be. sometimes i wish the world would just get the hell out of the way and let us get on with our lives.
we had plans for this weekend. i have been going out of my head because i haven't had sex in almost 2 weeks now. yea i know that explains a lot. i am terrible when i am sexually denied. so i have asked multiple times if i could come over, if we could get together, i need a good snuggle, etc... there just always seems to be a reason why tonight isn't a good night or what ever. so last night we had a date night. i had asked him over for dinner and a movie rather than go out to a upscale restaurant as he had suggested. i was trying to avoid a panic attack while we were together. so he was supposed to go out and get a package of Cornish hens. first he didn't know what they were (he kept supposing they were just a chicken lol). then he didn't go shopping for them early enough for them to get thawed out in time for dinner. then lastly, he called and asked if we could change plans because there was a concert he wanted to go see at the Watson stage. diamond rio was playing. so of course, we skipped my movie i wanted to see, he got a simple bowl of goulash for dinner with the remnants of a peach cobbler i had made for the family for desert. then rather than leave here for the concert as i had thought (started at 8 and we left here at 7:30), he had to make a side trip to drop some materials off at a job site, and get some gas. we were half an hour late. and we had to park at the outer reaches of the galaxy and walk in to the concert. we got there just in time to see the last 45 minutes of the concert tho. oh yeah, so did 2 of his kids. not that they should have avoided the concert, but family night out at the park just wasn't what i had hoped for in my date night.
it gets better. we left the concert and went to his oldest sons home for a movie. not my movie. and we didn't watch a thing. too much chatter going on, and socializing. it was cool tho. i enjoyed meeting the kids and their children. i enjoyed the whiskey and smoking inside. i enjoyed the low lights and the cuddles (all very innocent of course).  i really enjoyed when it was time to go. i had my overnight bag packed, and was all set for the stay i had been promised all week. so he drives me out to a service station and parks so we can have a chat. where he tells me that he had been confronted earlier that day by members of our church (the junior pastor and his wife).
it seems that they had dropped by his place looking for him, while one of his exes were there looking for him as well, and they had a lovely conversation all about OUR relationship. so my guy was informed by said jr pastor that if we continued in our vile worldly relationship that he would be in jeopardy of getting dismissed from the band and/or ejected from the church. we have been advised to move up our wedding date. i am so pissed. i am angry and depressed all at the same time.  ok i need a break. i will have to finish this another day.